Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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