I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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