so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
