Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
