Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
