he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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