So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
