i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
