On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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