I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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