is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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