i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
