last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
