I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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