I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
