it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
