why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
