from now on my penis is your penis
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
