at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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