wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
