just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
