i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
