Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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