I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
