It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
