i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
