Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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