I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
