I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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