I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As shirtless as possible
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
