I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
