I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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