Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
