I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
