forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
