My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
