Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
