i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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