So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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