if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
