There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
