My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
