You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
