I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
