We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
