Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God, I missed his penis.
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