That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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