She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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