You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
