I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize