I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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