guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
