Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
