I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
