Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She's JV to your varsity
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
