Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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