It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
