whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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