i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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