I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
