I'm lost and stupid without you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
