Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it's like iHOP with fire
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
