Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
