He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
