Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
