he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
