I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
